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Posted by on in Inspiration
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What’s the Real Reason Behind All the Fighting?

The Point:
In a conflict, there are no innocent parties.

James 4:1 (HCSB)  1  What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? 

James 4:1 says that we fight for our idols! The fight is really about what is going on deep down in our heart-our idols or “cravings"!

Referencing this idea of idols, Dr. Paul Tripp says that there is a pattern, and if you follow the pattern, starting from punishment, back up to desire, you can find the idol. Here is the pattern:
  • Desires that become demands;
  • Demands that become expectations;
  • Expectations that lead to disappointment;
  • Disappointment that invites my judgment of the person;
  • Judgment that justifies punishment (nasty treatment) of the person; and 
  • Punishment that destroys relationship.
Additionally, it's sad to say, but pride keeps us from owning our part in conflict. We are all culpable. We all have cravings that drive us to judge and punish the people who do not fall in line with what we crave! There has to be a better way. And, there is a better way. See if this Lifeskills moment speaks to you:
Dirty Fighting Technique:
When we use Blame we make it very clear that the fault lies entirely with the other person, and that we are an innocent victim.  We do not admit that our behavior plays any part in the problem.  We also have to make the other person realize that they must change first.  The truth is that we all have some part in every one of our problems, and that change must begin with us.  Try owning your piece of a problem and see how the dynamic changes! (Lifeskills)
Lord, help me to see and repent from my own idols/cravings. Grant me the grace to be honest concerning what is really driving me to fight: my desires, demands, expectations, disappointments, judgments and punishments. May I take all of the aforementioned off of people and place my desire on You. Be my desire Lord! In Jesus Name!
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Currently serving as the Senior Pastor and Developer of New Beginnings Fellowship in Lawrenceville, GA.
Pastor Screen has served as a member of the South Atlantic District Executive Committee (DEXCOM) which oversees 100 Churches in GA., S.C., and N.C. for nine years.  He also served on the South Atlantic District Multiplication Team for 12 years which is responsible for Church Planting in GA., S.C., and N.C.


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